Today's post is inspired by the Ribaat program "Letters to the Beloved." I saw other sisters participating in the program and felt compelled to write a letter of my own to our beloved Messenger of Allah (saws) quite some time ago, but I have been scared to share it here ever since.

Scared that it is too personal, scared of the vulnerability. Scared of judgement, scared of sharing too much.

But as we go through the sacred month of Sha'ban and prepare for Ramadan, I felt that it was a timely and appropriate reflection to share. I pray that all those out there struggling can find some hope and benefit in my words.

I would love it if you would like to share your own reflections in the comments, or even write your own letter and share it with us on our contact page!

A Letter to the Beloved

Salaam alaikum,

Peace and blessings be upon you.

Ya RasulAllah, I've wanted to write this letter for some time now, but just can't seem to find the words to say. I was told to write about all the ways in which I love you, but it has only made me question myself.

Do I truly love you as you are meant to be loved?

I know for certain that I respect you, I look to you as a role model for my deen and my life. It hurts me when others speak ill of you and I want more than anything to defend your honor, even when it will fall on deaf ears.

Sometimes I even feel like I know you, like you are someone familiar, a close family member.

I love to learn about your seerah, and the beautiful way in which you led your life. But I know that I fail, day in and day out, to live up to that ideal. I know I do things that would disappoint you. How can I claim to love you when I can't even find it within myself to emulate the most simple of your habits?

I had a dream about you, once. I don't ever tell anyone, because I don't know if it counts as a real dream. I didn't see your face, but you were wearing a white thobe. I was sobbing tears of joy and brokenness because I knew it was you, and you wiped my eye with the sleeve of your thobe. I don't know if it "counts," but I felt it, and I hope that it was real.

I often think of you as I make my way through the world. Wishing you were here to guide us as an ummah, to bind our hearts more closely together, to teach us how to love one another for the sake of Allah so that we could stand united. I think of you when I see injustice, and my heart hurts because I know you wouldn't have stood for it.

I cry when I hear nasheed and songs sending peace upon you, mentioning your beautiful character, and praying to be joined with you in jannah.

But I still feel like I'm not enough. I don't shed enough tears, I don't practice enough sunnah, I don't send enough salawat.

I can only pray that the feeling in my heart as I write this letter becomes stronger with time, and that that feeling is enough to allow me to meet you someday in paradise, in shaa Allah.