what ifs

Today I went live on Instagram and one of the attendees mentioned she recently converted and that she went to a Catholic school. I started talking about my story about going to a private Catholic school. ⠀

I live in a small town in the US and there are either public schools or private Catholic schools. I went to a public elementary and middle school, but for high school, I really wanted to go to private school because I didn’t want to be exposed (and tempted) to the things that happen in public schools. ⠀

My parents didn’t want to pay the hefty non-Catholic tuition fee. I remember typing up a ginormous email to my dad with bullet points and all on reasons why he should send me to a private school. ⠀

Anyway, he was pursuaded. Side story: I went to the Finance manager of the school and gave her a speech on why I shouldn’t have to pay triple the fee because I am of a different faith. She was pursuaded.⠀

Now, speaking about it on my Insta Live, I heard myself saying I probably would have benefited more going to the public school because I would have been around more Muslims. ⠀⠀

Being in a private school, narrowed my focus to my education and faith. My spirituality soared from all the prayer silences and teachings of the Prophets. But then there was a time when I questioned if being a Christian would be easier because I’m surrounded by it.

Allah protected me. ⠀

My point today is ‘what ifs’. Looking back at your decisions, sometimes you question what if. What if I did go to a public school. Maybe I would have progressed more in my faith and practice.⠀⠀

But what is the point of that? I felt so strongly then that going to private school was right for me. It felt right to the core. I thought and weighed so much. ⠀⠀

Now, looking back and questioning brings no benefit. I tell myself, give your younger self credit. I did my best. Allah guided me throughout the way. I was RIGHT WHERE I NEEDED TO BE. It was one of the steps in the staircase that brought me to where I am today.

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