the health we take for granted

A friend commented on my Instagram post about how much we take health for granted... until we feel ill. And I was reminded of how blessed I am to be walking, doing, independence from others for care, lifting my children, visiting my parents, PRAYING(!) on my two feet, cleaning the little messes as soon as I see them, etc. 

Story time: with my twin pregnancy, at 20 weeks I was diagnosed with Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome Stage 3 of 4. Stage 4 being the death of at least one child.

We flew to California for an experimental surgery which only a few doctors in the world are able to do. The problem was that the identical twins were not circulating blood they received from me correctly. Baby B sent blood to Baby A, but Baby A was not sending it back. So when we went to ultrasound, Baby B had absolutely no fluid around her. Her sac was dry and and so small she hid behind my right ribs. 

My belly, however, was full-term size at 20 weeks. The whole tummy was baby A's sac. She was getting so much blood that her heart was over-working to process it. In this surgery, the doctor laser shut each vein the two babies shared and took out two liters of fluid from inside Baby A's sac. 

Because I was stage 3, I was in the process of miscarriage: I was in active labor when they were doing the surgery. So they did another surgery the next day to sew my uterus so the babies would stay in. And I was put on complete bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy. The doctor gave 30% chance of survival for Baby B and 70% for Baby A. And he made sure to tell me at least 5 times, my goal was to get at least one baby from this pregnancy. If I lost one of them, I was to keep her in there until the other one was born.

So I lay in bed the next 13 weeks wondering if my babies were dead or alive until the next doctor appointment. I haven't ever prayed to Allah so much in my life. I lay there mostly alone wanting to clean my closet, but I couldn't. I wanted to visit someone, but I couldn't. I wanted to go outside for fresh air, but I couldn't. I wanted to go out to eat, but I couldn't. I wanted to work, but I couldn't. I wanted to be free of constant worry, but I couldn't.

So today from the bottom of my heart, I make dua for all the ill. May Allah ease your pain. May Allah give you shifa. May Allah give you peace of mind. May Allah surround you with your loved ones. May Allah be with you and protect you. May Allah hear your calls and answer all your duas. I pray for your recovery, both physically and emotionally.

As for Baby A and Baby B, Allah gifted both to me. I hold them everyday. I tell them I love them everyday. And I teach them of Allah's mercy and kindness everyday. They are now 7. Their hearts beat. They are warm. They have thoughts. They have dreams. They hold me. They tell me they love me. They smile. They learn. They look at me with soft eyes. Allah gifted me both.

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