fight or flight

Today a family member accidentally sent an inappropriate message to our family group chat, instead of their friends group chat. It was about something I am very sensitive and insecure about. ⠀

I could tell the group chat message was a joke, but it opened up the can of worms I hide in the darkest corner. And that’s just not something to take lightly. Not in my eyes. ⠀

I sat there in front of my work computer shaking. And I replied to the message faster than my mind could process anything. It was a moment of fight or flight. ⠀

In either case, it happens so fast you can’t recognize if what you are doing is good or bad. In either case, who cares? How can you let it go? In my case, I fought. ⠀

I sent replies that sounded so badass. Replies that would make everyone fall on their seat. Make everyone realize all the wrong things they’ve done to me. Replies that would make them feel so bad, so sorry, admit their mistakes. ⠀

Can you tell? The replies had almost nothing to do with the bad joke. The replies totally exposed my immaturity… the immaturity that comes from insecurities… replies that left a sour taste in everyone’s mind. ⠀

They were replies that will never make anybody realize their mistakes. Replies that will never validate my victimhood. Replies that will not change anything of the past. ⠀

The fire inside that erupted, that brought the anger, that made me fight… quickly melted & made me realize how many people I made uncomfortable. I realized how my words only shed darkness and brought absolutely no use. ⠀

My reactive mode put this person down in front of so many.

Iman and anger do not correlate. Even at the highest state of iman, you will be tested with anger. And most likely you will fall in. You will do most irrational things. ⠀

Be aware that when it comes to anger and fight or flight, flight will always be the BEST option. Run! Hide! Take your time to process and cool because what comes out when you fight with anger only leaves you and those around you very sour.

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