I ordered shipping boxes for The Dua Journal last night and the suggestion on the website led me to other products.
I found myself reading reviews for unnecessary things which led me to watching vlogs. You know how that gets. At midnight, I realized I burned through my before bed work time.
This morning I did my prayer, but afterwards, all I wanted was to go back to sleep. But today was my exercise day which I do on MWF. I just dreaded it. Dreaded. It's only 35 minutes, but I let my dread drag for a long time just to get a half hour thing done. This dread is familiar. I've dreaded many things before.
You know when you just don't want to do it, but you know you have to. And you keep having that solo argument in your head over and over again. And at the end, you feel stupid for wasting so much time. It's 50/50, sometimes you lose, sometimes you end up doing that thing you dread anyway. In either case, there is guilt involved.
At first, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but this dread ends up having a huge ripple affect. Take for example, reading the Quran, making up prayers, memorizing, or even just reading the Tafsir in your own language. Once you let yourself dread, then coming back to it becomes more and more dreadful. It gets harder and harder to begin the task. It gets less and less enjoyable. You find yourself resisting it more and more.
Why do I have to do this?
Why force myself?
And this is when you give up... you give up on something so important to you. Don't give in to dread. You are determined. You are disciplined. You are consistent. Even on the days you are just not feeling it, take that step. Don't think about it. Just do it. In this case, I did my workout but had to cut it short because it was time to get the kids ready for school. I will have to finish it tonight when I know I will be so exhausted. But I am not giving in to dread again! At least not twice on the same day. 🌷Umeda