be the giver

I grew up with two brothers, 7 and 9 years older than I. My parents were distant. Loneliness was a constant struggle to me, especially after we came to the US. ⠀

One person, I blamed through the teenage, early twenties years… until recently, was my mom. I needed her. I was shy, quiet, uncertain and lived inside the safe worlds I made inside my head. And I needed her to reach out. To hold me. To listen to me. To accept me. ⠀

I needed her. I needed her to tell me it was going to be ok. I needed her to tell me I was loved. I needed her to tell me I was enough. ⠀

It wasn’t until recently when my kids completely changed my mind and perspective. I was victimizing myself all this time. ⠀⠀

I learned this when my children started coming to me telling me how much they love me; how I am their favorite person; how sweet I am; how I make them happy; how they love cuddling with me… ⠀⠀

I was the VICTIM???⠀

Oh no. My poor, poor mother was the true victim. ⠀⠀

I did not express my love to her the way my kids do to me. The way my children make me feel, the way they fill my heart. I didn’t give that to my mother. ⠀

SHE was the one who NEEDED me. I could have provided her with moments that made her forget her struggles. I could have warmed her heart. I could have reminded her she was enough. That she was loved. ⠀

The person I used to blame all the time, now I pass my sympathy and apology to her. ⠀

So really look. We often expect others to fill our needs. But we fail to consider what needs of others we can fill. It’s always easier and more automatic to be the receiver. It takes selflessness, consideration, and wisdom to be THE GIVER.

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